Reflections

One of the things lockdown has given me is time to reflect. 

Go back to the drawing board, look at that list of hopes and dreams and start to assess and measure my successes  and failures. It's the craziest thing ever how our shortcomings can take center stage and overshadow all our triumphant moments. Often times during the reflection period, it is easy to look at old wounds and start picking them apart until it starts to hurt all over again. I reckon because under normal circumstances life gets so busy, we sweep our ill feelings under the carpet and put our healing on hold in hopes that one day we will eventually get over it.

But here you are face to face with the possibility that life might not even return to "normal" again, whatever that means for you. You now have a little more time to focus on the one you always neglect, which is YOU. Your self awareness switches back on, all the suppressed feelings come to surface. It's time to face the music and you realize you've been dancing out of tune all this time.

Everyone has been experiencing a negative shift, in different ways. The pandemic has taken its toll on all of us, some more than others. One thing that i truly believe is that the narrative doesn't have to stay the same, you can change your story. You can use this opportunity to go back to the drawing board but this time plot on how to reinvent yourself; create a better version of yourself, rewrite the whole book. This time just count your blessings and look at all that progress you've made.

Ps: I wrote this more for me because i needed to let it out and make sense of what I've been feeling.

I really hope i wrote this for you too and that somehow these words find you when you need it the most. 

Fetch your life

I've been procrastinating writing a new post for a few days now. Even with all this "free" time at my disposal i found myself putting it off for another time. 

I've spent precious time convincing myself that absolutely no one reads my blog (which is not true) and that no one is really interested in what i have to say. 

This reminded me of a time i submitted a a job application on behalf of a friend because she thought she was not good enough for the position. She had criticized everything about herself until she decided that she does not deserve a seat at the table. Well, you probably thought the story ends with her getting the position but she doesn't. Instead she receives a call about 6 months after the application was submitted , she was invited for an interview and offered a better position. 

How many times have you convinced yourself that you are inadequate? 

At times we think our dreams are too big and unobtainable 

What i know for sure is that you don't have to have it all figured out, sometimes you need to take a leap of faith. 

You are not required to know what the future holds but you can pave a path that leads there. 

I would like to encourage you to start working on your dreams TODAY (myself included😅) .

 Whatever it is that you are passionate about, that "thing" that sets your soul on fire, make it a priority. 

The more you put it off you are subconsciously pushing it so far back in your mind that it completely disappears, and that my friends is how dreams die.

Ps: My title is stolen from one of my favorite songs, Fetch your life by Dj Prince Kaybee and Msaki. I found myself singing the song as i was writing this. For those that are not familiar with the lyrics it goes :

"Fetch your life, go on be alive

Ain't nobody living out here

Be someone who's living out here

Fetch your life, go on be alive 

Ain't nobody living out here

Be someone who's living out here"

Visit genius.com for the rest of the lyrics

I have no idea who the author of the quote is but it's one of my favorites. 

Home

A few weeks ago i was listening to the radio as i was driving home from work. The presenter was interviewing South African citizens that are living (basically trapped) in Italy. I could hear the fear in their voices and the massive impact that the Corona Virus had caused in their lives could not be denied. All they wanted to do was to come home. HOME . I felt my heart drop to my stomach, in that instance i had a burning desire to go home. 

Before listening to that interview i was really not concerned with the disease, i underestimated everything about it but i found myself on the internet for hours, shocked at what life in Italy has become. I began to think of myself,currently working in another province and being trapped and not being able to go home, I'm originally from Pretoria but I'm currently living and working in Cape Town .

I decided then and there impulsively that I'm going to go home before the airports stop operating. At this point i had no idea that our country would find itself under a 21 days lock down. All i had was a desire to be in the presence of my loved ones and i was determined to find myself home even if i had to walk there(okay that's a bit unrealistic but thats how strongly i felt) .

I made my trip home and came back to work just before the lock down could be implemented. Today i find myself thinking about those that are still trapped in foreign lands wherever that may be, alone and longing for home. Home, a feeling that is irreplaceable. Indeed there is no place like home. LEGAE

A good friend of mine asked an important question today, "Why do we live like we have time"? It had me thinking of how we live on borrowed time, every single second brings us closer and closer to our end. 

Tell me why do we live like we have time to do this life thing all over again? 

As you ponder on the question above let me leave you with words from one of my favorites . She defines home so perfectly. 

Until next time please practice social distancing, wash your hands, eat well and smile. This too shall pass. 

A change of plan

I remember in my younger years I had a plan for my life. The plan was well calculated and precise. Detailed with events and deadlines, the time and place that things were going to happen and my favorite part of the plan ; the age i would be. You see it was supposed to be a good plan meant to keep me on the straight and narrow, the one way train to an all almost perfect existence. The crazy thing about all this was that no one told me that sometimes plans never work, that you might come across detours and deviate or that maybe sometimes the plan is just unrealistic, i mean no one dared kill a young woman's dream.

So here i am deep into my adult life (this is a nice way to say I'll be 30 soon) , my life is a blur. Life hits you with a chapter that you never anticipated which is called REALITY . The one you've never seen coming and could never have prepared yourself for, suddenly the whole plan is in shreds. Everything you believed your life to be is a myth and oh behold the lies you told yourself and almost believed them.

In all honesty i can't recall where my plan started going south, i don't remember when it all changed. What events lead to this? Was it me who changed or did life change the plan? And maybe, just maybe the plan had a plan of its own. All i know is that this was not the plan. In all honesty i cannot tell you which one it is but i suspect something sinister had been happening right under my nose.

The Universe had a plan for me all along and now i know that sometimes no matter how hard we plan, our lives will go on as they should. It will all work out eventually, as it should, with or without your permission.

NB:

I wish you lots of love and laughter during this 21 days of lock down in our country. Be good to yourself.